Tuesday, April 6, 2010

hello, actual life.

ihaveajobihaveajobihaveajob.

!

i interviewed yesterday, and the hospital felt good as soon as i pulled into the parking lot. there were so many things about the unit that i wanted to be a part of. i cannot describe how great it feels to know they were impressed by me, that i did enough things right that i got the call 2 hours after the interview was finished. i am going to be a pediatric nurse in about 3 months...an actual career. the thing i've been learning about for 4 years is becoming a reality.

since the job doesn't start till the middle of july, i have 2 whole months after graduation to do diddly. that's like, all i can think about right now. i love the prospect of being bored. love the shit out of it, actually. i mean, i will have real things to do. such as study for boards. figure out how to get a kansas RN license after i acquire my missouri one. help my parents move into their new house. but right now, i'm ignoring my homework (including a midnight deadline for a care plan) and making a list of things i can do during my sweet freedom time:

  • lay out/swim every day. run every morning. get myself some abs.
  • netflix is a must. finish watching six feet under and house. start some new shows.
  • get back into piano lessons.
  • find a show to audition for.
  • go to june weddings without having to request off work (this is huge).
  • more daily Mass. more adoration.
  • see friends WHENEVA I WANT. so many people will be back in town.
  • sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
my life is no longer a black hole after graduation. it's beginning.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

A Letter to Hollywood: Nurses Are Not Handmaidens

Dear Hollywood,

We, the nurses of the world, have something to say to you. Nurses are not what you think. Nurses are independent, highly educated, and skilled healthcare experts who save lives every single day. We work hard and are dedicated to making differences in people's lives.

And we are really sick of going home after a 12-hour shift, turning on the television, and seeing ourselves depicted as brainless bimbos. This has been going on far too long, and it has to stop.

But it isn't just disrespect that comes through in Hollywood portrayals -- it's contempt, and it's not at all subtle. You scorn us in the way you pigeonhole nurses on the small screen -- it seems that we're either half-wits, nymphomaniacs, or latter-day Nurse Ratcheds. Obviously, you have no concept of nurses as autonomous, knowledgeable professionals. We work alongside physicians, but we are their colleagues, not their subordinates. Yet in every hospital drama, physician characters are ordering nurses around, treating them like uneducated servants, or performing nursing care themselves and getting the credit for it, while the nurse characters just fade from view.

I can almost hear your reaction to my complaints. There, there, dear, don't take it personally, it's harmless, it's funny. Is it, really? Will it still be harmless or funny one day in the future when you are in the hospital and you press your nurse-call button and no one responds? Or it is answered -- eventually -- by a minimally trained hospital "technician"? The nursing shortage will have reduced our ranks considerably, and driven many of us into early retirement. It doesn't help the situation when schoolchildren and teens already discount the notion of becoming nurses because of the way nurses are portrayed on Grey's Anatomy. Becoming a nurse, they believe, is a waste of their talents.[1]

Maybe You're Misinformed

I'm going to give those in Hollywood the benefit of the doubt, and assume that they just have the wrong impression of nurses, and have no idea what nurses really do. But for the non-nurse readers, we'll pretend that you are in the hospital, and you've just had emergency heart surgery.

Who do you suppose will be at your side, watching your blood pressure, making sure you don't go into shock?
Who will be alert for the slightest hint of life-threatening hemorrhage?
Who will respond in mere seconds if your heart begins to beat irregularly?
Who will make sure that your chest tube doesn't get blocked and cause you to go into cardiac arrest?
Who will keep the circulation moving in your lower legs so you a clot doesn't develop and you don't die from a pulmonary embolism?
Who will be constantly watching to make sure that you don't stop breathing, that you are getting enough oxygen, that postoperative pneumonia is not developing?
Who will relieve your pain before you even have to ask?
Who will explain everything that is happening to you and teach you how to take care of yourself after you go home?
I'll give you a hint -- it's not your physician. It is your nurses. They will see you safely through one of the most dangerous times of your life, doing all these things and more.

And just so we're clear, I'll tell you what your nurses won't be doing. They won't be clustered around the nurses' station as though at a cocktail party, flirting with physicians. They won't be in the broom closet or the stairwell or behind the patient's curtain giving sexual favors. They won't be trailing after the physician as he marches down the hall, in case he needs a cup of coffee or someone to dump on. Nor will they be in the receptionist's chair, moaning about not being able to get into medical school. If these scenes sound a little familiar -- I'm not surprised. This is how nurses are regularly portrayed on television dramas.

Myths About Nurses Perpetuated by Hollywood and Other Uninformed Media

1. Physicians are nurses' superiors in the hospital hierarchy- nurses "work for" physicians.

Not true. Nursing is a separate, autonomous profession. We work with, not for physicians. We have our own leaders, and we regulate, license, and manage ourselves. Nurses decide what nurses do, not physicians.

2. Nursing doesn't require much education.

Nursing education is highly specialized, intense, and rigorous, because nursing itself is a profession grounded in science. Many people, if they believe nurses go to college at all, think that most nurses attend a brief 1- or 2-year program. In fact, 58% of nurses presently have a bachelor's degree or higher, a number that is growing every year. The "2year" nursing program doesn't really exist - the associate's degree in nursing requires prerequisites even before entering the nursing program, making it essentially a 3-year program. And in many areas, new graduate nurses undergo extended fellowships in the clinical setting that greatly increase their education and skill in nursing as they enter the profession.

3. Nurses mainly "fetch things" for physicians.

Nursing is a practice that is unique and distinct from medicine. Nursing is the protection, promotion, and optimization of health and abilities, prevention of illness and injury, alleviation of suffering through the diagnosis and treatment of human response, and advocacy in the care of individuals, families, communities, and populations.[2] Nursing's focus, and what sets it apart from medicine, is the whole person, not just the specific, presenting health problem, and nursing encompasses both actual and potential health problems. Nursing's scope of practice has been shown in numerous studies to save lives and improve health outcomes.

4. Nurses are those who aren't smart enough to get into medical school.

This might be the most irritating myth of all. It presupposes that nursing is just a tiny subset of medicine, a fallback for people who can't quite make it up the ladder. However, nursing is a different profession, not the same profession watered or dumbed down. Many nurses go on to earn advanced degrees at the master's or doctoral level, but they are still practicing nursing (note that nurse practitioners and other advanced practice nurses may share some of the same functions as physicians in their specialties, but they are philosophically nursing-oriented in their approach to patients). And research shows that care provided by these advanced practice nurses is equal to or better than that provided by physicians.[3-6]

Laura A. Stokowski, RN, MS

1. Inglis M. Put off nursing by TV portrayal. Evening Telegraph (UK), December 18, 2009

2. American Nurses Association.Definition of Nursing. Available at: http://www.nursingworld.org/FunctionalMenuCategories/FAQs.aspx#def Accessed February 3, 2010.

3. Laurant M, Reeves D, Hermens R, Braspenning J, Grol R, Sibbald B. Substitution of doctors by nurses in primary care. Cochrane Database Syst Rev. 2005;18:CD001271.

4. Dierick-van Daele AT, Metsemakers JF, Derckx EW, Spreeuwenberg C, Vrijhoef HJ. Nurse practitioners substituting for general practitioners: randomized controlled trial. J Adv Nurs. 2009;65:391-401.

5. Lenz ER, Mundinger MO, Kane RL, Hopkins SC, Lin SX. Primary care outcomes in patients treated by nurse practitioners or physicians: two-year follow-up. Med Care Res Rev. 2004;61:332-351.

6. Aigner MJ, Drew S, Phipps J. A comparative study of nursing home resident outcomes between care provided by nurse practitioners/physicians versus physicians only. J Am Med Dir Assoc. 2004;5:16-23.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

spring break highlights

Things I love(d) about spring break:
(Phoenix, AZ and Destin, FL)
  1. The babies.
  2. The family game of Fictionary that was funny enough to make me inhale my beer (literally) and my mom spit hers out as if from a blowhole.
  3. Sunshine.
  4. Uncle Dan: “How’s that necrophilia thing going, Jamie?”
    Jamie: “It’s narcolepsy.”
    Uncle Dan: “Whatever.”
  5. “I take pills, so I can sleep with anyone.” -- my grandma
  6. Being a part of my newest cousin and godson being baptized into God’s family!











    1. “Gimme that filet of fish!”
    2. Making “bro” into as many words as possible—broverload, Bad Bromance, etc. Florida, especially Panama City, is just ridiculously full of bros.
    3. Getting hit on by a drunk girl coming out of Spinnaker’s in Panama.
    4. The beach. And our private, gated access.
    5. Getting the shit kicked out of us by red flag waves.
    6. Wearing flip-flops and shorts.
    7. Everyone (including my 3 super athletic friends) being absolutely terrible at tennis.
    8. Hearing the same 10 songs on repeat on the radio. So. Much. Gaga.
    9. Staying in a resort where the average age of all the other residents was 65.
    10. The best seafood/sushi/Japanese food buffet in the world for $8.99.
    11. The fact that storms were forecasted every day and it only rained at night.
    12. The tiny alligators at Fudpucker's and the weird ass albino one.
    13. The club that was actually worth a 2-hour wait.
    14. Sharing a studio with 3 other people for nearly a week and no one getting killed.











Friday, March 5, 2010

intracontinental

I think I made up my title word. It should have something to do with traveling across the continent, but in my head it also reads as something medical-related. A problem specific to geriatric bowels. Teehee.

Reading David Sedaris makes me want to be a writer. This happens to me when I enjoy some type of art form. I see a show and want to act, I hear an opera and want to be a singer. Everyone does that, right? I am on a plane, squished between seats “C” and “E,” completely unable to sleep. Weird for me, I know. I think I just feel like I need to be doing something. That’s what Truman does to us. We’re so conditioned to having more on our plates than we can possibly accomplish that once we do get a break, we don’t like having idle hands.

After two really stressful weeks at school that made me want to stab myself in the eye, I was rewarded by a couple successes yesterday. A fun coincidence was how much Matt rocked at life yesterday, too...he was named Justice Systems Student of the Year and got a 100% on an exam. I like dating a fellow nerd so we can brag about this stuff to each other. My senior nursing exit exam was scheduled from 8 am to 1 pm (yeah, disgusting). It was a national, standardized test designed to predict success on our RN licensure boards (or NCLEX) that we will take following graduation. I scored really well and I'm now in a very good place for passing boards. And it took only 2 hours, which made my day. I didn’t think I cared about this exam. It’s not for a grade and if I didn’t do well, I’d have plenty of time to study and improve my test-taking strategies. But NCLEX-style questions have been my nemesis since sophomore year. NCLEX logic is a wily, unforgiving bitch that rarely allows me to win. It was ridiculously satisfying to destroy her and then be finished with school for the week.

Yesterday I also found out that I was cast in a one act…Sovereignty, directed by Kyle J. Smith. Kyle let me read his script earlier in the semester when I didn’t think I’d be able to audition (embarrassingly, I was counting on being cast in the mainstage musical a little more than I realized) and loved it. I won’t ruin it for anyone, but it’s very different and powerful. It’s going to be really challenging for me as an actor but I think I’m going to learn a lot about movement and being physically comfortable on stage, something I’ve always wanted/needed to do. I was flattered to be cast because he has a really interesting, creative vision as a director that I respect. But mostly, I’m glad that my last theatre experience of college (maybe the last ever) will be filled with poop jokes and Harry Potter references.

I can safely say everything rocks right now. I’m on my way to Phoenix for my godson Elijah (Eli)’s baptism. I was so excited and honored to be chosen as his godmother because his parents are some of the coolest, holiest people I know. They’re amazing examples of what being Catholic means and I hope I can be something close for their son. And I can’t even say how ready I am to meet him! This weekend is going to be jam-packed with family goodness, and the sunny climate is quite a bonus. I’m traveling with my mom, my aunt Jean, and my grandma, and I can just sit back and be entertained by how those three interact for hours. Then on Monday instead of flying back to KC, I’m flying to Destin, Florida. My friends – Alex, Eric, and Mickey – are road-tripping it down tomorrow (which I’m a little sad to be missing but the baby fest is totally worth it) and we have a condo for the week. This will be four of the five group members that went on spring break last year and I have every reason to believe this trip will be as epic or more so. And then the week we get back from break I have my first job interview with the Intensive Care Nursery at Children’s Mercy in KC, where I have wanted to work for years. So I’ll have to make a quick turnaround from sunburned and hung over to nursing/business chic, but I think I’ve gotten good enough at switching hats.

I just realized that I capitalized correctly for the entire duration of this post. This is because it’s being composed in Word rather than online. For whatever reason, when I write in casual social networking types of mediums, my fingers avoid the shift key like the plague. But that feels inappropriate when I do word processing. Jamie, you are on spring break. This is not homework. Oh well. Truman student for life.

Monday, February 15, 2010

landed

this was a big weekend of firsts:
*driving to chicago
*being in the car with matt for more than 3 hours at a time (good thing we like each other)
*meeting his family
*bocce ball
*going to woodfield (2nd biggest mall in the world!)
*seeing august: osage county (read on)
*being in a car that got run off the road and spun around by killer snow (read on)
*having to stay in a hotel due to weather

oh and...updating my blog in 2010. duh.

so, my christmas present from matt was a trip to chicago to see the show. i know, my boyfriend rocks. it was a fantastic weekend and the play was incredible. it absolutely lived up to its rave reviews. basically, i was blown away. i always think the best stories (whether books, movies, plays) are the ones that are just about people. because, really, we are a complicated enough species that we don't always need exotic locations or crazy events to make us interesting. this story was about a family. a complex, dysfunctional, twisted family to be sure, but...just about people. my FAVORITE moment in live theatre is that deafening silence when something shocking or dramatic happens and everyone on stage shuts up and everyone in the audience is awed into complete mute. no whispering, no crumpling programs, no fidgeting or coughing. this show had some really great silent moments. the entire 2nd act was one absolutely exquisite scene in which every cast member (i think there were at least 10) was seated around a dinner table. it was brilliant. i could really go on and on. and the play still is, in my mind. i was caught up in their world for hours after. but overall...such an amazing experience.

coming back yesterday the weather was perfect for about 3 hours and then wha-bam. the clouds unloaded buckets of snow. now, matt is an excellent driver. but his mustang doesn't handle very well with even a 1/4" of precipitation on the ground. so we started getting nervous. he's driving well under the speed limit on a straightaway section of interstate 72, we're not elevated on a bridge or anything, when the car veers to the left of its own accord. matt tries to gently correct and the car starts spinning. by the time we arrive in the center median we've done at least 2 complete 360 degree turns, if not more. we got hazy on the details. i remember, bizarrely, looking at him when the car was careening wildly and feeling very calm. i just knew (irrationally!) we were going to be fine. also, this all happened while listening to the extremely mellow voice of our friend jim reading harry potter and the deathly hallows. just more bizarrity. we end up in the grass basically perpendicular to the highway and we're totally stuck. we call for a tow and it ends up taking about 2 hours. in that time, it got very dark and the snow picked up even more. we knew if we got back on the highway, it'd be minutes or less before we were back in the median again or worse. i'm so thankful we didn't hit any cars and that no one slid off and hit us while we were waiting in the median. so we get towed to hannibal and check into the holiday inn. there was just no way we were getting back to kirksville that night.

and we are such classic truman students. as soon as we landed in the median i started thinking about my 2 tests today, and matt started stressing about assignments he had to do last night. so staying in hannibal was definitely not ideal, but very necessary. it was actually pretty nice to push away the upcoming week for another night...we were huge fatties and devoured an entire large stuffed crust pizza (come on, we were stressed) and watched probably 4 hours of the olympics. kind of blissful, really. we gave the snow some time to calm down this morning and made it back to kirksville safely (and slowly) this afternoon.

basically, jamie & matt know how to do a weekend.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

a belated/odd giving of Thanks

today, in my very last mental health nursing clinical, i was at C-Star, which is the adult substance abuse rehabilitation program through Preferred Family Healthcare. in group one of the clients said that while he was in high school, his friend's mom would give them speed on weekend mornings when they were hungover from a kegger. they thought she was the coolest parent ever, of course. and that was so completely normal for them.

i worry about being a parent because mine did it right. if they had totally screwed up, i could just aim for a 180 of their philosophy. but looking back over my teenage years (and yes, i realize they're not that far gone), those years that are so potentially dangerous because they are the foundation of absolutely everything, i can't pinpoint certain things my parents said or did to keep me from becoming a pregnant drop-out addicted to drugs. it wasn't like one big talk the night before high school started that made me decide to be a "good kid." somehow, over the course of my whole childhood they subtly shaped me into wanting that lifestyle for myself. it was masterful, really. they trusted me and gave me so much freedom but instead of abusing it, i respected it. and this is not at all a pat on my own back. i am a product of their guidance.

so, basically...thank you, Mom and Dad. i'm so intimidated and terrified about raising your future grandchildren, but so grateful.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

an encounter

Warning: long post ahead. i never do this.

this past weekend i went with my youth group from my home church to National Catholic Youth Conference as a chaperone. it was different from the 4 conferences i'd been to as a participant...it was much, much bigger (and thus less personal) but also my role as a chaperone was more focused on facilitating experiences for the teens i was in charge of. so i wasn't expecting a revolutionary, mountaintop experience for myself...but of course, God surprised me. i should just get used to that.

i just want to share something from the weekend. friday night the keynote speakers were jason and chrystalina evert, whose life mission is speaking to teens about chastity and the rewards of living a pure lifestyle. i had seen chrystalina before and she's awesome, but together those two are so powerful. jason told a story that i will never forget. i'm not sure if this is true or not, but to me it didn't matter. here goes:

a father drops his son off at preschool one morning. he kisses him goodbye, and says, "i love you. i'll be back to get you later." the father goes to work and later that day he hears of a terrible earthquake that hit the area around his son's school. he rushes to the school and finds that the school has been buried in debris. all the teachers are dead. crews are starting to clear the debris, but the father jumps in and starts ripping through it himself looking for his son, tearing through rocks and rubble with his bare hands. after an hour, no success. his hands are starting to bleed but he keeps going. many more hours pass and people are starting to give up, but this father doesn't. a full 24 hours passes, and he is exhausted and in pain. people tell him that there's no hope left at this point, but he keeps searching. after 32 hours of an excruciating search, he pulls a slab aside to find the face of his son under mounds of rock and debris. not only is he alive, but his face lights up as he turns to the 14 children behind him and says, "see, i told you he'd come back for me!" and that, jason evert proclaimed, is how passionately and personally God our Father loves each one of us.

that story made me come apart. now, i like to cry. i cry when i'm happy or when something touches me profoundly. but that night i cried like something was breaking. instead of making me feel loved and happy, that story made me weep for loneliness. see, i didn't feel like God loved me like that. even though i knew it in my head, my heart so many times denies the existence of such a huge love and refuses it. at this point i felt like running to Confession. i had been feeling the nagging need to experience this sacrament for a long time but couldn't pinpoint what i needed to talk to God about. this was it. but this was late at night and it wasn't available. so i had a while to think about it before i actually went.

i realized that not recognizing how much God loves me is the root of a lot of personal issues i've been having or have always had. i started to link it to my extreme self-consciousness, how much i doubt myself. how much i seek out love and approval from human beings because i'm not feeling it from my Creator. i knew, intellectually, that i was loved. but i kept forgetting or even doubting it in my heart. and i didn't know how to get that feeling back.

so i went to Reconciliation the next day. when i told the priest about doubting God's love for me, i wasn't chastised or lectured. he encouraged me to run to the Eucharist more. to go to more daily Masses and Eucharistic Adoration to experience the love of God through his Son. Jesus giving us his Body and Blood to consume and adore was the ultimate expression of love. this made so much sense to me and i can't explain the relief i felt to have something i could do.

but the most amazing thing about this confession was how much Jesus i sensed in this priest. the in persona Christe thing blew me away. i had never before felt that i was actually talking to God in confession, even though that's the point of it. it was incredible. i was almost sent to a priest that was pretty old, but then someone got finished quicker and i was directed towards a different one. this priest looked so young. he saw on my badge that i was an "adult" participant (meaning 21 or over) and pointed out that we both look young for our age, which made me feel connected to him. but beyond that, i felt a crazy connection as soon as i sat down and looked into his eyes. i referenced that i heard a story about God's love that really upset me. that was as specific as i got, but this priest knew exactly what story i meant. he even told some of it back to me using my name to make it that much more personal. and as he was responding to the sins i confessed, i looked at him and felt the love of God radiating from him. this priest didn't know me to love me, but i felt like this man knew me through and through. you don't feel immediate, unconditional love sitting down with a human being. this was Jesus sitting across from me. He knew how badly i needed to to feel His love in a real way. and He showed it to me in this priest, in just a few minutes.

i know this glow i feel now won't last forever. feelings are not the foundation of my faith. but i will always remember this experience, how God gave me exactly what i needed. and through the wisdom of this priest, i also learned how to keep coming back to this love of God. through his Son in the Eucharist, the ultimate gift of sacrificial love. and my Church gives me endless opportunities to seek Christ in Eucharistic Adoration and Mass, both Sunday and daily.

I woke up in darkness
surrounded by silence
oh where, where have I gone?
I woke to reality
losing its grip on me
oh where, where have I gone?

Cause I can see the light
before I see the sunrise

You called and you shouted
broke through my deafness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!

You shattered my darkness
washed away my blindness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!

Late have I loved you,
you waited for me,
I searched for you…
what took me so long?

I was looking outside
as if love would ever want to hide
I’m finding I was wrong

Cause I can feel the wind
before it hits my skin

You called and you shouted
broke through my deafness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!

You shattered my darkness
washed away my blindness
now I'm breathing in
and breathing out
I'm alive again!

--Matt Maher, "Alive Again"