the New Face of Zero and One

i find it interesting that being around different people creates a ridiculously dramatic trajectory of my self-esteem. friday night, after deciding that i was staying in and totally fine with it, i got an invite to hang out with some old friends that i don't spend enough time with anymore, and it was the most fun i've had in a while. i didn't feel self-conscious once, even when tagging along with a friend to another party where i didn't know very many people.

saturday night, however, was a little different. i always go to the same party on saturdays and see most of the same people. the getting ready process is lengthy and complicated: wash hair, straighten it to death, pile on the makeup, especially the eyes, find a top that's sophisticated but not overly slutty, pick out jewelry and shoes with a friend. it's like a performance, really. i usually don't feel like myself and despite my laborious getting ready process, usually end up feeling inadequate. i always start out being very excited to go but how i feel at the end of the night varies a lot.

i'm still trying to figure out the difference. one night comes with expectations, i guess, and the other doesn't.