a belated/odd giving of Thanks

today, in my very last mental health nursing clinical, i was at C-Star, which is the adult substance abuse rehabilitation program through Preferred Family Healthcare. in group one of the clients said that while he was in high school, his friend's mom would give them speed on weekend mornings when they were hungover from a kegger. they thought she was the coolest parent ever, of course. and that was so completely normal for them.

i worry about being a parent because mine did it right. if they had totally screwed up, i could just aim for a 180 of their philosophy. but looking back over my teenage years (and yes, i realize they're not that far gone), those years that are so potentially dangerous because they are the foundation of absolutely everything, i can't pinpoint certain things my parents said or did to keep me from becoming a pregnant drop-out addicted to drugs. it wasn't like one big talk the night before high school started that made me decide to be a "good kid." somehow, over the course of my whole childhood they subtly shaped me into wanting that lifestyle for myself. it was masterful, really. they trusted me and gave me so much freedom but instead of abusing it, i respected it. and this is not at all a pat on my own back. i am a product of their guidance.

so, basically...thank you, Mom and Dad. i'm so intimidated and terrified about raising your future grandchildren, but so grateful.