i am finally escaping expectations. i am achieving what was plaguing me last semester:
honestly, i'm tired of doing all the right things, the normal things, the expected things. i keep sacrificing parts of myself to the gods of academia and perfection, but i never actually get what i ask for. nothing is ever enough, so...what am i killing myself for? i won't be put in this box anymore. i have to figure out what makes me who i am outside of my area of study. i need to be...a dynamic character again.
i am absolutely more than just a nursing major now. i barely recognize myself from last semester. i was talking to teak (nursing professor) the other day and she said that she and dr. jennings (director of vocal ensembles) had a conversation about me and how i exemplify the "other lives" that nursing majors lead. i am a beginning jazz dancer. a member of chamber choir. an act in the upcoming talent show. and...i was just cast as Emma Carew (1 of the 2 female leads) in Jekyll & Hyde: the Musical.
(i also picked up another identity last week: legal drinker. i hit the bars twice, made some exciting first purchases, and concluded my weekend with an embarassing shitshow of vomit all over my bedroom carpet. this probably won't substantially affect my life except for being able to tag pictures of myself with beverages on facebook).
i'm embracing what i had shelved when i came to college. i am a student, and a good one at that, but i have always been so much more. today i submitted my applications for summer externships and thus, my GPA this semester is no longer important. i doubt i can really let go of my tendency to try too hard but if i end up being overwhelmed, it's not the worst thing.
i feel like i have arrived. a late bloomer is better than never at all.
No comments:
Post a Comment